"whenever I feel pathetic, I remember that X exists and I feel better about myself."

I am that degenerate troglodyte that people refer to when they make such statements. my issues are very peculiar and unique and also goes very deep. i may not ever talk about it. i am the stereotypical discord mod/4channer/redditor/etc... every aspect of myself is like that. i lurk the internet, i sit home all day, i eat like shit, my sense of integrity is shit, i live like shit. i have no dignity, i am terminally online. ive been living the slacker life for months now.

it had been a week since the new year. shit is boring, life is boring. throughout thew whole year, i remained the same, exactly unchanged. and dissatisfied with every aspect of life. and remained dissatisfied with life, for years. i remember in 2023 christmas, seeing people interact, talking, and being overall normal, respectable members of society (i know everyone has their own issues, but you don't know me, so you cant apply that type of reassurance to me.), whilst I lurk the internet in my small dingy room alone, and in existential dread. i was very restless during that time. nothing changed much in years. what a pathetic, shameful way to live.

im not dead. (yet)