This site is my only connection to society. I have no other accessible means, I'm not independent enough to be able to go outside on my own, due to the fact that I don't know the area around me, because I only go outside usually once every 2 months or something. I'd probably get lost if I'm not accompanied by family, and I'm afraid of running into my former classmates or being looked at by other people in general. If I ever do go outside, I will stay vigilant and scan my surroundings for anyone I recognise from back in high school to ensure peace of mind. I want nothing to do with anyone I used to go to school with; every one of them is trouble. Whenever I do go outside and see someone about 14-17 years old, I feel very uncomfortable, and these people are everywhere. goddamn nuisances.

Going outside feels like a painful chore, and I'm not even trustworthy enough to go outside on my own. I could take a short walk, but even then, with all of these factors, it would be very uncomfortable, bordering on distressing.

I also have no friends currently.

So I spend my time on here scoring interactions through the BBS or blog posts instead.

Now that school had ended, I find myself with a disgusting amount of free time to piss away doing chronically online shit for 10 hours a day.

I had remained unsatisfied with my life for the past 5 years. There was one feeling that stuck around for many years, and that was the feeling of exclusion.

I live my life entirely inside my room, and seeing thousands of people actually living a life worth living, however, I sit there and observe them alone, sitting inside my own room with my meager amount of options, extremely bored, and doing whatever I can to entertain myself. That makes me feel very envious.

I've been staring at screens indoors all day long by myself since I was about 7 years old, and not much has changed. I seriously think I still have the same level of independence as then, so life was bound to get boring eventually.